Thursday, 19 November 2009

My 2010 Fashion Tips

Many of you know that apart from fake tanning, Xbox and various musical related activities im a SL fashion expert. 2010 is nearly upon us so I thought it only fair that I give the lowdown on what's gonna be big in 2010. The list is in no particular order and has been verified by 3 newb friends I made whilst being chased by a strange looking woman called Joan Armhairlicker (But thats another story).

(1) Untanned Newb Skin - Newb skin is gonna be huge. The less detail the better. There are some wonderful examples from the 2005 era. I decided to test out this look recently at a camping area. I arrived wearing nothing but the glorious skin and a jock strap. The reaction was immense. People were screaming at me and going wild. They seemed so pleased to be taught about SL fashion I quickly broke into the chicken dance. At this point I was ejected from the sim. I guess some people just couldn't handle being seen next to me looking that good.....

(2) Poses - Dances are so 2009. Pulling random poses is the way forward. Its all about the timing. If you get it right, people will be in total awe of you. Get it wrong and the consequences can be devastating. I think I have mastered this timing now after 31 hours straight of practising. I overheard Granny Krams commenting 'Good lord!! That Wiu bloke looks so damn good. Im gonna practise everyday until I can pose like a pro!'.

(3) No prim shoes - No prim shoes are making a huge return in 2010. Everyone loves no prim footwear really. They rez quicker and reduce lag, but most importantly of all.........THEY LOOK BLOODY HOT!!! Casha Fall was heard remarking 'Finally I can drop the act. I hate these horrid highly detailed prim shoes! I always wear no prim shoes on my land and now I can wear them everywhere!'. Another happy SL fashion follower.

(4) Bald - Hair is gonna be a thing of the past. Both female and male av's are gonna be sporting a massively in style bald look next year. Hybrid Ansar made the following statement to me earlier this week...
'OMG! This is gonna be huge. Finally I can ditch this ridiculously slow rezzing hair and be comfortable at clubs without some moron pointing at my half rezzed hair. Happy days!!'. Nuff said.

(5) Dressing exactly the same as friends - Its simple really. Everyone dresses identically. The only thing that can differ between you and your group is your eyes. You will no longer have to spend hours and hours shopping in a crazed attempt to try and look as good as your friends. Everyone looking the same will lead to a whole sub culture within SL. A whole new club scene will be born. I warn you though, it will be highly exclusive. Many will not make the grade. From what I hear, some nights the club will be virtually empty. On others even the DJ won't be allowed in. SL fashion is for everyone!!!

(6) Calling people by the first letter of their name - Greeting people can be so tiresome at times. Especially if someone keeps crashing. Thankfully this fashion is gonna reduce typing by a rather large percentage, Im guessing about 56%. My friend Troy Metalpuncher crashes loads. The amount of time and energy wasted on welcoming him back is ridiculous. When I tell him this he storms off in a mood. Then later he comes back and I have to greet him again. Its a vicious circle. Now a simple 'WB T' does the trick. An instant time saver. Oh, and of course, its cool.

(7) Manthongs - Manthongs are still going to be a great look in 2010 that will guarantee you some attention in clubs. I recently played my first SL DJ set in many months. I knew I had to wear something that would impress and linger in people minds. I am a SL fashion pro after all! In the end I decided to go with a gold manthong. I only wish that people had enjoyed the music that night as much as they liked my manthong. I heard people commenting 'OMFG that's disgusting!!' and 'That is so nasty I might vomit!'. I will work harder on my tune selection next time....

Well, that's all the big fashion tips set to fire up 2010 so far. Rest assured though, if anything else is set to be big, you will hear it from me first!!


Friday, 9 October 2009

Somewhere Club Re-Opening 09 Oct 09

And so I return. After a long SL break spent mainly making amateurish music and playing Halo on Xbox Live. What did I learn? Well..... I learnt that groups of 8 year old American kids are bloody good at Halo and will not hesitate in taking the piss out of you after they shoot you in the head for the 20th time. The swine! It all started well mannered enough but once those vicious bastards taste blood nothing can stop them. I haven't heard from one of my team mates, 'SniperDude1977', since the epic defeat at the hands of these brats. Last my team and I heard of him he was threatening to fly over there and give em all a good thrashing in front of there odd looking parents. Bad vibes and nervousness swept through the team. This wild outburst seemed to amuse the kids though who launched into a merciless assault on our position whilst singing Eminem's latest ballard in girlish voices. But I feel I've wandered from the purpose of this blog entry.

I had managed to secure a look at the newly remoulded Somewhere Club a few days prior to the opening party. It looked good, real good. I was asked to DJ at the opening but had to decline due to the fact that me and my decks are not really on talking terms at the moment. Underlying issues are yet to be resolved which I don't have time to waffle about here, but rest assured I will reek my revenge upon those electronic vinyl playing whorebags!

And so the night of the party came around. And here I am, sitting here listening to Ace8 playing some crazed electro'ish beats whilst I write this. Very nice. Mantis (Cari Lekebusch) played a blinding set earlier which went down well. The crowd were a wild bunch. In between crazed spank outbursts, muffled screams could be heard from the bar area where an odd looking avatar called Teddy was wearing what can only be described as the worst pair of trousers in SL history. Trust me on this, im a SL fashion professional.....
Things went up a gear when Kafka and Morgan started to wave lasers around weilding 56% of the crowd blind. Savage beats rained down as avatars fell to the floor letting out girlish screams. 'The only proper thing to do in situations like these is to try and blend in!!' A newb to the SL techno scene cried to his group of friends
'Im scared' Yelled another 'That mans wearing a sword on his back for christ's sake! Its like clubbing in New York in the late 80's!!'
The club had erupted into a wild feeding frenzy an hour earlier when Olaf announced that he had baked a banana cake. Thick green smoke filled the air and gestures spammed the chat. Fun was being had by all. The conversation covered various subjects including:- Unnatural sex acts being carried out in back rooms of German techno clubs, perverted pictures being taken with camera phones, Morgans love of Vocal house, Lag and after much debate it was decided that Discogs is infact the best website ever, closely followed by Soundcloud.

Well, that's all I can be fucked to write. Welcome back Somewhere club!!!! :-)


Sunday, 9 August 2009

Fake Tan Fun

Morgan Kincess came over to my land for a visit yesterday evening. She showed me some very handy building tips which should really help me out.

Morgan was also amazed by my glorious fake tan. So after threatening to put me in a headlock, I gave her a bottle of fake tan. 5 minutes later she had turned a very nice shade of orange. Unfortunately though the fake tan had a bad reaction on Morgan. She suddenly developed a bloody huge monobrow! I didn't really notice it at first due to the fact I was digging a hole to make a swimming pool that Morgan assured me would make my land look 34% more professional. When I eventually worked out what Morgan was screaming about I cammed in and was speechless, the monobrow dominated her head. It was huge. After lol'ing for about 5 minute's Morgan found a pair of goggles to cover most of the hairy nightmare up. Despite the complications Morgan admited that fake tan was a great look.

I have found one problem with fake tan though. Unfortunately it really clashes with my new pink shirt....


Friday, 7 August 2009

My first blog entry!

My first blog entry! Here goes nothing....

Top ten SL fashion items August 2009 (In no particular order!)

(1) Manthongs - GW took Magz and myself to his favorite shop recently. It was man thong heaven! Despite the scary looking model in the pictures, the prices were cheap and the quality of thongs were great. Magz Schmooz was heard commenting 'I love a man in a thong. Apart from noobs, there crappy shoes ruin the look!'. Nuff said...

(2) Fake Tan skin - Im all about lying about in the sun applying fake tan recently. Fake tanning is my life.

(3) Blood splatters - Really ties an outfit together.

(4) AVid Verne suit - I wore this suit to the SL Prom 2009 recently. Looks really great. Just ignore the fact I looked like an over worked police detective from the 1920's.

(5) Retro dances - Its simple. You can go and spend L$250 on some fancy new dance or you can break out the classic chicken dance or Getdown dance. Retro dances are sooooo 2009!! Casha Fall has gone on the record stating 'I love retro dances. The more noob-like the better.'

(6) '~ Maybe You Should Calm Down!! ~' Gesture - A gesture I made the other day sampled from Scrubs. Always seems to be an appropriate time to fire it off a few times!

(7) Zaara : Classic jeans for men *black* - I got these free when I DJ'd at a fashion show for Relay for Life. I was going to wear my full samurai outfit but was told that was not allowed. Luckily Morgan Kincess sorted me out with loads of free stuff!

(8) 'Crash On Takeoff' Animation - An animation that makes your avatar do a wild running dive on the floor! Ideal for use in a crowded club! Cagier Kruh was overheard commenting 'If that bloody moron dives infront of me one more time im leaving!'

(9) ' X FAIL!! X' gesture - Another cool gesture. Check it aghhhht

(10) Gay AO - No words can describe how cool this AO is (even for straight av's!). Solange Daviau was heard screaming 'I will bloody out pose this punk!! He's wearing a manthong for christ's sake!! Bring it bitch!!' Solange was later escorted from the club after throwing a noob's shoe at me. Fashion is a dangerous game....